Buddhism, Beer, and Y90

An old study I did that I felt fit the tone of tonight's blog entry...

A photo my friend Sylvie sent me last night...oddly, it made me very happy. She called it a "weird house". I call it a spectacular example of vernacular architecture from our country's southern region. (This is North Carolina...)

First off, I wanted to thank everyone for reading my blog and sending their thoughts and prayers. Sylvie, thanks for the photos and juice connection. Dena & Dan, thanks for the 12 pack of Schlitz Classic. Bill, thanks for talking tonight. And many more thanks to those who have offered their livers, and their beer. Once again, if I haven’t replied to you directly, it’s because there’s just too much going on. My phone is glued to my damned ear. If I’m not at a Doctor’s appointment, I’m usually on the phone with my clients and suppliers, or, talking to a doctor, nurse, lab tech, insurance company, etc… And of course, I’m always trying to get my emails, designs, and other miscellaneous work done at the same time. So, it’s a bit crazy. The irony with all this is that my business is absolutely booming! We’re on fire over here. When the rest of the world is seeing record losses, our little business is slowly growing? We’re not making millions, but it feels good to watch your hard work and investment make a return. It feels good to say, “yeah, I did that, I made it happen, and my crazy ideas have found their place in the world.” So, when everything is going well, I run over this landmine. And it’s not small. I feel like it’s a brick wall I’m trying to knock down with a rubber mallet! I’m generally quite good at figuring things out… I’m not saying I’m the smartest guy in the world… I just know how to ask questions. I also know when to ask other smart people for their help. With enough information, you can solve any problem. Like my father always told me, “you don’t need to know every phone number by heart; you just have to know where to look when you need it… the phonebook!” Right now, that’s what I’m trying to do. I’m making calls, getting opinions, scouring, seeking advice, getting healthy, and hoping that I can transform my mallet into something heavier. I’m trying to take down this wall, even if it’s only one brick at a time. But unlike my other work, there’s a heavy price to pay if I don’t get it together. And this time, no matter how hard I try, at some point there are just some things that I cannot control. And so, as much as this is a hunt for knowledge and care, it’s a spiritual pursuit for acceptance.

Tomorrow I’m expecting to get results from my scan this week. I often leave these appointments mentally withdrawn. I’m trying to be positive, but expecting to hear that Cancer has been found somewhere else? Maybe we’ll get lucky, and nothing will be found. Or, it will be inconclusive, and I’ll be absolutely incensed! So, we’ll see? I’m also picking up slides from my biopsy to transfer to Northwestern. I’m absolutely stoked to be going to Northwestern. I don’t know why we didn’t go from the beginning? Also, as it turns out, Northwestern offers Y90. Apparently, one of the leading US doctors in the field and experience with this treatment is at Northwestern (Dr. Salem). The procedure has been around for a while, but it’s supposed to have good results. From what I understand, it’s not a cure, but will slow the Cancer down. It is radiation, and has mild side effects, unlike Chemo which can be nasty. Multiple treatments with Y90 are needed for it to work. I’m thinking that the Y90 could help reduce the tumor size and control the Cancer while I’m waiting for a transplant? In a sense, it buys me more time… I’m no doctor, so, not sure what they’re going to say, but my research leads me to believe that this might be the course. TBD…as always. I inquired today about a Y90 study, which I appear to be a perfect candidate for, assuming my doctors agree.

And concerning transplant, I’m starting to get more comfortable with the idea. It will put my down for a while, but might be the best long term option. The 5 year survival rate is 75% with a deceased liver donor, and higher for that with a living liver donor… so, I’m still taking liver applications if you want in! I’ll pay your rent or groceries for a month!

And PS: I’m NOT sick. I feel great. Body works well… I hate that people equate Cancer with being sick. I’m not a wrinkled-up weakling and I’ll kick your ass if you say so! Heh…!

Some Buddhist Wisdom

1. Life as we know it ultimately is or leads to suffering (dukkha) in one way or another.
2. Suffering is caused by craving or attachments to worldly pleasures of all kinds. This is often expressed as a deluded clinging to a certain sense of existence, to selfhood, or to the things or people that we consider the cause of happiness or unhappiness.
3. Suffering ends when craving ends, when one is freed from desire. This is achieved by eliminating all delusion, thereby reaching a liberated state of Enlightenment (bodhi);
4. Reaching this liberated state is achieved by following the path laid out by the Buddha.

Link to American Liver Foundation: Liver Transplant
Link to Y90 Clinical Trial
Link to an old Y90 News Report: Dr. Salem @Northwestern: June 2004