give smiles, not grunts.

Clarence John Laughlin: Possesed by the Past, 1939 (One of my favorite photographers)

Well, it was a long day and I’m absolutely exhausted after doing what feels like the “Hospital Circuit”. Long story short, met with the Oncology doctors at UofC and I’m less than impressed with what was offered. OctreoScan did not reveal the location of the primary cancer, but docs are 99% certain there is, or was, a primary site. (I think I was mistaken… supposedly this cannot be a primary liver Cancer? It always originates from the GI, Pancreas or Lungs.) It may be so small that it’s undetectable. Therefore, it’s somehow not a concern right now? They will focus on treating tumors in the liver. The OctreoScan did confirm that the smaller liver lesions are the same Cancer. From our conversation today, I was told that liver transplant is not a treatment option for this type of Cancer? Which completely conflicts with what our liver specialist told us? (You think they’d talk about this?) I mean shit; they even opened a “Liver Transplant Case” with my insurance company? Are they trying to screw with me? I’m not in a rush to tear out my liver, but don’t want to rule it out, since it may be a great way to get rid of this. It took me time to get used to the transplant idea, after a COMLETE MELT DOWN AT THE PROSPECT!! Now they’re like, yeah, no…. that’s not an option? So, the Oncologist’s will now confer with the liver doctor to discuss his transplant recommendation.

From today’s consult, we’re told that these liver tumors cannot be completely resected (we already knew this). They can only be “managed”. There is no cure. You can’t just cut this shit out. You can shrink it, fry it, control it a bit, but unless medicine gets better, I’m stuck with it for life… however long that may be. If the liver keeps functioning well, and the Cancer doesn’t spread or continue to grow, I can stick around here for a bit. Once the liver function deteriorates from complications caused by the tumors, then I’m in trouble. (Cross that bridge later…but hope it never comes.) More tests have been ordered to review hormones in the blood, as well as some crazy urine test, and, further review of the biopsy samples. (FYI: I have to pee into a jug for 24hrs…. can’t drink coffee, eat bananas, vanilla, or licorice?? Weird, but true.)From the biopsy samples, they’re going to look and see how aggressive the Cancer is. If it’s not too aggressive, the prognosis is good (years/decades). -If it’s aggressive (months/few years). From my current state, they don’t feel that it’s too aggressive, but can’t confirm without further analysis. And I know what you’re thinking… “You’re just checking this now…? WTF????”

For treatment, the UofC docs talked about taking some shots, maybe some localized radiation, Y90, and Chemo if all else fails. I have a follow up with them on 02/26. I think my second opinion in March at Northwestern will provide more insight. I went to Northwestern today to drop off some of my samples for review. The hospital is like a dream. I felt like the heavens opened up and the sun shined upon me when I opened the door. People were nice, and the air, yes, even the air, felt better to breathe! I was greeted by smiling faces, as opposed to grunts. Yes, even the language is different. It’s like a new country…? Or, is it like coming home after scratching your way out of a shit-stained alien cocoon? You think about that one for a while.

That’s the short story, I spared you, and myself, the minutiae, for which I can assure you there was no shortage of. There will many more posts that elaborate in the days/weeks to come.

On other fronts, I have a good 6 day stretch without having to go to a hospital. I plan to get some work done, maybe read, and take a day off. I can use a little break from disease.