the plan...

Found this door on my run today. On my route I run down one small alley behind a commercial disrict. That's where I spotted this little gem! Luckily I use my iPhone for music when I run... so, the camera is handy! Supreme Juices!!

Even though I didn’t sleep well last night and was dead tired today, I couldn’t pass up the weather. I strapped on my running shoes and did my 4 mile route this afternoon. The running helps clear my head when the thoughts are getting crowded. I’ve been trying to figure out a prognosis for this disease, which no doctor has been willing to give me. Recently, Dr. Benson said, “We still need to see more of the pieces to put together the rest of the puzzle…” I thought that was surely evasive, but probably very true. Don’t worry, I’m not looking to write my obituary yet or anything, but for those who know me well, I’m a planner. I’ve always been someone who makes big lists, big plans, scratches things off, and gets stuff done. I like a neat schedule. Well, Cancer was not on any of my schedules and to tell you the truth, I’m still not sure where it fits? However, I will say that Cancer is forcing me to think more carefully about how I spend the present. It’s also made me think about my past choices and experiences… and albeit young in years, I would not have changed anything thus far.

Call it a confession, or maybe even a rumination:

A few years ago, I decided to leave the world of architecture to go off on my own; to chase my own creative and academic pursuits. -It was a sink or swim kind of thing. I don’t think that was a poor or reckless choice at the time. However, I felt a little guilty about it. I felt like somehow, by leaving the firm life that I was cheating… or, even worse, I was chicken… couldn’t hack it! But the truth is that I was unhappy practicing architecture. Sure, it’s nice when people say, “Wow, you’re an Architect, what a great job.” But really, it’s not that great. I hated it! Yes, I learned a ton, and I still love design, construction, and the architectural discipline. Though, I just wasn’t MAKING THINGS with my hands!!! There was very little creative outlet for me sitting at a desk plugging into CAD for 60hrs a week! And for all of my friends who still practice, I love you for your courage and perseverance! You are much stronger than they know! But really, when I left that world, a part of me felt that I was making a monster mistake… like that if I didn’t have a Title (capital “T”), I’d be worth less? Foolish, right? Everyone wants to put you in hole… round, square, whatever. When you say you’re an artist, or photographer, people roll their eyes and suspect you are actually bussing tables. But why should I be ashamed of being an artist? And so, it wasn’t until I was diagnosed with Cancer that I felt strangely vindicated. I realized that I wasn’t chicken after all, but rather quite brave! It’s hard to abandon security. And that’s what I did. I took that plunge! I could have been wasting the last two years of my life getting fatter in an office, designing yet another uninspiring building! Or even worse, I could have spent the last two years unhappy. Sure, there are ups and downs to my current work, but it beats being miserable full time. At least now, I own my misery when it rears its head.

It doesn’t matter what you do for work, it matters what your work does to you. Does it make you happy? If it doesn’t, figure out something else. Because some day, you just might be given that prognosis you don’t want. And then you’ll be scrambling to figure out how it fits into your “plan”. And you know what? It doesn’t fit. You're only option is to write over it and take advantage of the margins. Believe me, I’ve been trying and it doesn’t work any other way.

I’m glad I put on those running shoes today…

*******************
PS: My business was officially incorporated in March of 2007. We’ve made it 2 years so far and growing strong! Artists do not have to be relegated to a life of collars or dishes. If anyone ever says they do, give em’ a purple-nurple special delivery from me!