exactness...


Polaroid Epitaphs: Part II: No. 1 : Lisa's Lips: 05/30/2009

While it is true that my blog entries have been sparse lately, a lot has been transpiring. Business has been, well, business, -up and down. -That goes without saying… My recent chest CT scan revealed nothing. That is to say, no primary tumor was discovered in the lungs. While most people pray that they will never find a tumor in their lungs, I was disappointed. I just want to know where it is…? I want a face to hurl a dart at…!! Yes, it’s a strange stick to pull, but it’s my stick. Short of exploratory surgery, we have only one more test to go on the hunt for the primary tumor… that is, a colonoscopy in a few weeks. With that test completed, we will have effectively run the gamut! I suspect that too will be inconclusive?

My pathology report came back last week from Dr. Woltering. The news was mixed… my KI67 is very low at 2%. However, Woltering noted that my tumor is Moderately differentiated, not Well (note previous reports which call for both Well and Moderate). The low KI67 means that my Cancer cells are reproducing very slowly. However, the structure of the cells is more advanced; moderate… that sheds a shadow over the news. According to Woltering, that means they’ll just have to watch me a bit closer. I have an MRI on Monday which will be used to gauge the progression of disease in the liver. I’m trying to be optimistic, but have no expectations. TBD.

I want to be eloquent… I want to leave behind words that will be repeated, remembered, re-written for centuries…. But the truth is that I fall short. I just don’t have the words to wax. At times, it’s overwhelming… Frankly –it wears on me and often have nothing to say. It’s a daily struggle. However, I picked up the Polaroid Epitaphs series again. I haven’t touched it since December, that is, pre-Cancer. I’m glad I’m on it again, but it’s much harder… it’s more real now. It should have always been “real”.

I’m board typing and wish I my fingers could type my brain; my exactness.

Comments

  1. UnknownJune 1, 2009 at 4:48 AM

    chin up boyo! see ya in less than 2 weeks. I'm very happy there is nothing in your lungs but air.

    ReplyDelete

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