almost 4 weeks...

A section of my right abdomen, healing in process. It's like moon terrain, or aerial photo...or, a thick line from a painting.

It's been almost 4 weeks since surgery and I'm still trying to get out of a funk. I've been coming off the pain meds and switching to Ibuprofen, which I can assure you does not work as well. There are ups and downs...and it seems like more downs, than ups. I can't stand being like this; borderline helpless. I can do just enough to be self-sufficient, but not enough to engage in my old physical lifestyle. Today, I walked a mile and half to pick-up a work truck. It was probably a mistake to embark on this venture. I felt like I was trying to traverse a vast desert. -It took me fifty minutes to walk the distance. But I just HAD to get out of the house... I couldn't take it anymore. And, I probably shouldn't be driving a 16' box truck just yet, but frankly, I just didn't care. Anything to get back to some sense of normal. Even though, I spent the rest of the afternoon sleeping on the couch.
I'm still not up for making a ton of phone calls or writing my great novel. I feel like a big fat waste and it sucks. It's so alien for me not to have energy and I'm grasping at anything to get it back. I want to push but my body wants to stop, dig-in, and act like an anchor against me. So, it has been nearly 4 weeks... a ton of pills of various shapes and sizes, and a lot of time doing nothing of consequence. Maybe week five will be a turning point... At least I have my breathing.

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